Being that I am a real person, and have received just one too many comments regarding the deduction that *I* must be the true asshole if my kids are assholes, allow me to make a clarification:
I am not an asshole. My kids are not assholes. I am not teaching my asshole kids how to be bigger assholes than me thank-you-very-much. As a matter of fact, internet trolls, if you knew me, and you knew my children, you wouldn’t put such sanctimonious bullshit judgments in the comments section of a dinky blog mostly written for my friends. Because here’s the thing: my kids are actually fantastic kids 99% of the time, if I do say so myself. They are respectful; you would know that if you asked their teachers. They are the kind of kids who stand up for other kids and sit with the new kid on the first day of school; you would know that if you asked their classmates. They are appreciative; you would know that if you had heard them on the way home from the beach yesterday thank me for taking them on vacation. They are compassionate and empathetic; you would know that if you were here when they were packing lunches for underprivileged kids this summer. They are kind, smart, funny, caring, and giving; you would know all that if you ever actually met them. And they wouldn’t be that way if I were such a colossal asshole who wasn’t bothering to teach them better. I’m actually quite a strict parent with extremely high standards for my kids. In other words, I don’t take shit. But they are KIDS, dammit. ALL KIDS sometimes act like little assholes.
So I can only deduce a few things about you. Either:
A) You are the spawn of Satan and never were a child yourself.
B) You don’t have any children of your own.
C) If you DO have children, you have a severe case of amnesia which warrants an evaluation of a doctor but be aware that you might injure yourself trying to get there what with the fall from your horse being such a long drop.
or, most likely,
D) You have absolutely NO sense of humor (which really sucks for you).
So…I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: please be kind or be quiet. Thanks a heap.