Let me ask you this: Is it HORRIBLE of me not to want to sign my daughter up for Daisy Girl Scouts because all of the moms seem so utterly uncool?
Except for my sweet friend Ozzie. She’s legit.
I mean, I’m not the coolest gal around, but I think I’ve still got a little swagger if you know what I’m sayin’. These moms were just so…well…I don’t know…? Just not chicks I think I’d ever text to ask them if they can believe what just happened on Bachelor Pad.
I’m totally going to hell.
One of them was a MAJOR know it all type, complete with nasally voice, LOTS of Cub Scout experience and wretched breath. So I’ll go ahead and also label her as the gaseous one. Someone was just letting them rip during this meeting. It was burning my nose hair.
Anyway, they call an “information meeting” at 6:30 on a school night. These ladies clearly are unaware that my house is like a freaking war zone at that time of the evening. So, I had dinner cooked for the husband, two short order meals prepared for their excellencies, dishes all done, real clothes put on and even a little makeup applied for good measure. I left one screaming baby and a hungry husband who is a walking zombie as he got home from a work trip at 5:40 this morning.
So…first of all, I get there and realize, oh…I forgot my kid. I didn’t get the memo that I was supposed to bring the prospective Girl Scout. But there was no way in hell I was going back for her. I barely made it out as it was. I could only save myself.
So after a lot of time wasting and waiting around and a lovely video about Girl Scouts, they separated us into groups by age (now is the appropriate time to say that I think the Girl Scout organization is fantastic. I feel very strongly about the value they have for little girls. I think the principles of the Girl Scouts are unfortunately not ingrained enough in kids today. I was so happy to hear that they haven’t taken the word “God” out of the Girl Scout promise as I had expected. I LOVE the Girl Scouts. I ain’t knocking the Girl Scouts. Shout out to Juliette Lowe).
So I went to the table of kinder moms waiting for this information I had come for. What I really wanted to know was how big of a time commitment it is. That’s all. If someone could have told me that, I’d have packed up and walked out.
The first thing the lady tells us is that, well, sorry, this troop has no leader. Right then, the record stopped. It was like someone asked who farted. All eyes went down and no one wanted to make eye contact with anyone else. Then one nice lady volunteered, as long she has an assistant. Great…let’s get down to the information, please. It’s bath night and I have a shit storm brewing at home:
Where are the meetings? Well, that depends. It’s hard to reserve the MPR.
When are the meetings? We don’t know yet. It depends on the leader’s schedule.
How long are the meetings? It depends on the activity.
How many meetings per month? Well, it depends…sometimes one, or maybe a field trip, but none in December or January.
Is there a commitment on the weekend?
Wait for it….IT DEPENDS.
So, there you have it folks. The only information I left with is that there might possibly be a Daisy Troop, it may or may not meet during the week, I may or may not have to commit to the weekends, and they sell cookies. Oh, and also, it is obvious they haven’t caught up with the Boy Scouts in the preparation department.