The End Is Near

Hey y’all…it’s me…End of Year Room/Team Mom (well…assistant Room/Team Mom if we’re being technical. I don’t have what it takes to be the main gal. Props to those chicks. They’re the real heroes).

Do we all remember the lady who wrote about the End of Year Mom compared to the Beginning of Year Mom? Well End of Year Room/Team Mom is kinda the same.

Here I am on April 16th with the number of shits I give quickly approaching zero.

We made it through the third quarter, got our precious angel through ITBS testing, survived the science fair (don’t EVEN get me started on the science fair), and then went to the beach on Spring Break, got a taste of summer and now I’m officially over this school year.

It’s time to go out like a lamb. I just wanna get on my pool raft and float leisurely on out of Pre-K and 3rd grade. But that is not to be.

Instead of going out like a lamb, we’re going out like a raving lunatic lion because someone decided it’s a good idea to pack the biggest punch for the last few weeks of school WHEN NO ONE GIVES A CRAP ANYMORE.

So I would like to file a motion with the powers-that-be.  I move that we do a better job of spreading out some of our festivities.

When we get to the month of May, I simply don’t have the mental capacity for field day, team banquet (complete with fundraising, silent auction and table themes), end of year parties, field trips, class retreats, school concert, overnight volleyball tournaments, teacher appreciation week and more.

I would have so much more enthusiasm for these events in the earlier stages of the year.

You know, similar to the beginning of pregnancy when you’re all aglow and over the moon and dying to show your bump and then eight months and two weeks in you are ready to carve a baby out of your own abdomen with a pair of tweezers to end the torture of your groin discomfort, sciatica and general bigness? No? Was that just me? Whatevs.

Look, the point is…Lord knows I LOVE the teachers but couldn’t we choose to show them our love when we’re still in the honeymoon phase? Say, early to mid November?

Perhaps we START the volleyball season with a kick off party instead of a ending it on a school night in May when just getting homework done and practicing times tables is tantamount to water boarding?

Maybe let’s have field day and outdoor field trips in February when it’s not Hades hot outside and all the chaperones don’t have uncontrollable under-boob sweat? It’s FLORIDA, people.  For the love…

Before you get out your miniature violins, I have to say that I really do love being a mom and I feel privileged to be a part of all the school/sports things.

But at this point in the school year, I am frazzled and haggard beyond recognition much like my children’s school shoes. We are all just trying to hold on until the last day of school at which point we can fall apart. Shoes, lunch boxes, backpacks, homework folders and Momma–we’re all tattered and worn.

So June 3, I’m coming for you. Thirty-four school days and then, in the words of the incomparable Flo Rida, it’s GDFR.

**Stay tuned for my summer post in which I cry tears of madness because my children are going at it Hunger Games style because we have too much time on our hands.