I case you were wondering, I got a much needed decent night’s sleep last night, my girls both still have full heads of scraggly chlorine-ish hair, I actually did let one of them swim today, Safeway re-stocked my new favorite ice cream (Ben & Jerry’s blueberry/vanilla swirl with graham crackers Greek frozen yogurt–get you some), my kids are tucked in bed and So You Think You Can Dance is back on so all is right in the world for now. I made it another day without ringing up my boys Barnum and Bailey.
This post is in regards to an entirely different matter. Today in the gym bathroom (no, I don’t actually go very many places…if you know some other places with free child care, hit me up), I
witnessed something that horrified me. I watched a lady come out of the stall and barely sprinkle a couple of drops of water on maybe one or two fingertips before walking away from the sink. I was frozen with disgust. I wanted to ask this woman for whom she was putting on this show of washing her filthy hands because she wasn’t fooling me. Does it make a person FEEL clean to let some water drip on their hands after they have relieved themselves and, presumably, wiped their nether regions? Because guess what…plain old tap water isn’t magic. Forget about the germs in your own Hanes Her Ways* for a moment…did you stop to think that the last person in that stall could have possibly sat there and let their morning coffee take effect and then put their hands you-know-where then touched the lock/handle of the door you just touched?? And you’re comfortable with a couple shots of water on your fingers?? Uh-uh. Not me. No way. When I use a public bathroom, I operate under the assumption that the last person who used the stall just got off a Royal Princess cruise that docked early because of a Noro-virus outbreak, came straight to that particular bathroom and rubbed diarrhea flakes all over the flusher, door lock and sink faucet handles. Nope, my hands ain’t pretty. They are red and scaly and sometimes they even crack and bleed. Small price to pay for good bathroom hygiene, I say. But people, just so you know, sprinkling a little water on your hands is no better than just blowing by the sink altogether. And just so you know, you should be equally as embarrassed as if you had totally passed up the sink. And just so you ALSO know, I will never accept an invitation to your house because I am now aware that you are a fecal matter spreading machine. You are, in a word, repulsive. You not washing your hands makes me feel like my spectacular hand washing is negated because we share a gym. I don’t want a share anything with a person who has no regard for respectable bathroom habits. I would like to propose a world summit on hand washing. People should be required to pass a proper hand washing test before they are allowed to go to the bathroom in public. They should be judged on water temperature, soap application, and scrub time. The world would be a much better place if we kept the fecal matter to a minimum. Just think…I could push a grocery cart without mortal fear of touching my face after my hands have been in contact with the cart handle. I could put my hand in the holy water bowl. I could shake hands with new people I meet without rushing with my arm sticking out from my body straight to the nearest Purell dispenser. I could take my kids to Chuck E. Cheese. Well, maybe. I’m not making any promises.
The moral of the story: wash your hands properly people. Not doing so gives you cooties. I don’t go through the trouble to flush with my foot, unlock the stall with toilet paper, turn off the sink with my elbow and use a paper towel to let myself out of the bathroom just to get your poopy germs on my hands when I turn on the treadmill. I’d greatly appreciate better effort.
*FYI…as a general rule, I personally don’t wear underpants that have their brand name printed around the waist band.