- You forgot your glasses.
- You can’t read English.
- You have one or more arms in a cast.
- It takes more than one individual to decipher the instructions and operate the kiosk.
- You have a price matching dispute.
- You are purchasing inventory for your snack bar/restaurant/gas station/concession stand.
- You are attempting to purchase alcohol without an ID (nice try).
- You left your parking garage ticket in your car on another level.
- You are purchasing obscenely more than the approved number of items.
- You are a super couponer.
- Your credit card is in danger of being declined.
- You are unable to locate UPC codes with a high level of speed and accuracy.
- You do not know the zip code of your package destination.
- You are purchasing an item that requires the removal of an anti-theft device.
- You are the single present caregiver of a threenager in a delirious rage.
- Your purchase requires a flat bed rolling pallet (exceptions granted for less than five extremely large items, e.g. mattresses and/or box springs).
- You are purchasing an item locked in a cage at customer service.
- Your package won’t fit in the slot.
- You are requesting a price adjustment.
If you do not feel inclined to follow these guidelines, then kindly allow me to cut in front of you. I am happy to demonstrate how it’s done. Hell, I’ll even check out your items for you. You can time me if you want. I welcome the challenge.
*For clarification, I am referring to all varieties of self serving kiosk (grocery, parking, post office, etc.).
**I reserve the right to amend these rules at any time.
**All scenarios (unfortunately) based on true stories.