Disney World

We took our girls to Disney World this week. I love Disney World and being there brings back so many fun memories of my childhood. I had some great times with my family there as a little girl, but there is nothing more fun than seeing the magic of Disney through the eyes of your own children.

I can neither confirm or deny that I shed a tear as I watched my big girl point out to my little girl all the things she loved on It’s a Small World.

That being said, Disney World has a way of testing all my limits as a human being: public bathrooms, germs, crowds, shuttle busses, rides, long lines and clueless people. I was able to keep my anxieties at a low enough simmer to enjoy this trip far more than I thought I would. And while having a ball with my kids, I was continually struck by things that make you go hmmmmm.

File the following under things I learned at Disney World:

1. Camcorders still exist. And people still use them. I know this because I witnessed people using them to record such fascinating moments as their slow progression in line for the Haunted Mansion.

2. Selfie sticks are a thing. Like a thing people actually pack in their suitcase for Disney World. And there ain’t no shame in people’s selfie game. Nothing is too mundane for the selfie stick. You desperately need a pic of yourself in front of a trash can with Mickey’s face on it but there’s no one around to help? Bam. Selfie stick to the rescue.

3. There are a LOT of people who wear knit hats just for looks. But what I want to tell these people is that the jig is up when you’re in FL and its 77 and sunny. That kind of weather betrays the secret that your hipster hat isn’t actually there to keep your head warm. Look, I know you loosely curled your hair this morning with the hat in place so that your waves look magazine perfect, but it’s just plain stupid to wear a winter hat outdoors in warm weather when other people are sweating profusely. End of story.

4. An exhausted child can mistake a hypodermic needle disposal box for a hand dryer and try to stick her hands in it after she washes them in the bathroom.

5. There is a part of the world in which the Juicy suit has not yet been retired.

6. There is no yoga at Disney World. When you first get there, you might be confused because there are so many people wearing yoga pants. But as it turns out, there are not, in fact, any yoga classes at Disney. So that’s a head scratcher.

7. If the powers that be could figure out a way to use excess glitter from the Bibbity Bobbity Boutique to power the world, there would never be any such thing as an energy crisis.

8. For about 40% of the population it is impossible to walk purposefully in the same direction in which their eyes are looking. It is mind blowing. Look alive people. Look alive.

9. There is a zero percent chance of me ever getting on the bus/trolly/ferry that will get me to my desired destination in the shortest possible amount of time. If you ever get on a shuttle with me, get off immediately. You will be late 100% of the time.

10. Not having babies anymore kinda brings me down to Chinatown. But going on a trip with no pack-n-play or BOB stroller is the shizz.

11. There is no greater love than this: holding your 97th percentile sized 5 year old on your shoulders for the duration of a never ending Fantasy parade until you are loudly pleading with her to please, PLEASE dig her feet into your sides and stand on your hip bones so as to relieve the pressure from your dangerously compressed vertebrae.

12. There is tired and then there’s Disney tired. But then you remember newborn tired and Disney tired is magical. So good night my friends.